Runner Trevor Bennett aims to go into the record books as the first man from Lardinia to complete the gruelling Trans-Elbonia race. He is doing this to raise awareness for runners suffering from sockrastinisis, a rare condition where people want to go out for a run but can’t because they just can not decide on what socks to wear.
Trevor will join a select group of 150 runners from all over the world who each completed a gruelling entry test which involved writing in your name, your T-shirt size and handing over £500. Reportedly it’s the equivalent of climbing Everest, twice, in an oven, with rabid bats constantly poking out your eyeballs to the tunes of One Direction.
“I’ve been training like a maniac for this one,” Trevor told The Runion. “I run every day, and quit my job as a sales ledger controller to become a window cleaner to get the vert in. For the heat I’ve been doing star jumps in the airing cupboard, although should probably have told the wife before I went in. When I finally came out after three hours there were three policeman with rifles trained on me! Half my sponsorship money has gone on paying the fine for wasting police time.”
When asked why he is doing such a crazy thing, he said “When I heard about this race I didn’t think much of it, but being told that no one from Lardinia had done it before I thought ‘wooaahh, low-hanging kudos!’ If I can add ‘first Lardinian to do yada yada’ to my Twitter handle I’d cream in at least 30,000 more followers, and then companies will be beating down my door to get me to hashtag the buggery out of their socks.”
Not everyone is acknowledging Trevor’s awesomeness though. Via Twitter, user @DanAskins asked “Hi there, great challenge and good luck – but didn’t Steve Barnaby do the Trans-Elbonia race a couple of years back, and isn’t he Lardinian?”
Trevor is nonplussed by this kind of attitude. “Yeah, haters gonna hate. I could do without these jealous people pissing on my chips like that. If he doubts me he should just come for a run with me and I’ll show him. And anyway it’s not really about the running is it? It’s about saving the dolphins.”
“You mean the people nervous about socks?”
“Look mate, just come for a run with me if you don’t believe me”