Running blog cauliflourrunner.com has been given the dubious honour of being the only one of 18,486,347 running blogs not to have been nominated for an upcoming awards ceremony. Upon receiving the news the site’s blogger, Art Bernard, mused “Well, that kind of makes my blog unique, doesn’t it? Not that I care what people think.”
The Cauliflourrunner claims to be the leading source of information and inspiration for those who like to go for a jog while exclusively eating cauliflower flour products. According to Bernard the blog apparently features “an extensive selection of baked goods you can produce just using cauliflower flour, along with a sprinkling of other ingredients found in the store cupboard like olive oil, salt, bacon, Kit-Kats etc.”
Among the 18 million-plus blogs actually honoured by these nominations was one of Cauliflourrunner’s main rivals, and this was how Bernard found out about his exclusive snub. Says he, “I saw that a rival of mine, beetyourpb.com, tweeted that she was ‘Honoured to be nominated, and voting only takes three minutes per device and if you clear your browsing history you can vote for me as many times as you like’. So I took a look at the categories, found the section on brassicas and there were 800 in there alone, so I rolled my eyes and thought ‘oh, no, I bet they’ve got me in there’. I hit CTRL-F and searched for “cauli” but got nothing. I thought perhaps they had mis-classified cauliflowers in the cabbage family (I REALLY hate it when that happens) but no.”
Added Bernard. “This is clearly just some offshore corporatist, anti-vegan, gender-gapping racism that I don’t want to be part of. Which I think makes me cool.”
Yet not all bloggers were as skeptical as Bernard. Rohnan Cleaver, blogger at runhardANDgohome.com, saw a massive spike in traffic as a result of being nominated for his innovative collection of photo montages, each containing a photo of a watch with some numbers on it, a map and a picture of Cleaver holding a medal and grinning like he had a wasp trapped in his lip.
We asked Cleaver how he felt about his nomination. He replied “Are you kidding me? My traffic went through the roof! 800% up on the same time last year! Although I’d only just started the blog then, so only my mum and dad and my mate Kevin had visited the site at that point. But I’m so glad that I plugged in Google Ads. I don’t want to boast about how much money I made, but you know how much tax Google paid last year? It’s in the same ballpark.”
Kevin Marr, director of the ‘Will Blog For Socks Awards’ is wary of a potential threat. “Two years ago there may have been a rogue winner,” he told us, “where 52% of the vote seemed to come mostly from Russian IP addresses. There was little we could do because, well, technically the people had spoken, so we still awarded the prize to bloggymcblogface.com.” According to Marr last year’s awards “were all homegrown, perhaps because those same Russian teenagers were busy making sure we got Donald Trump and Brexit. Now without a massive election to distract them I fear a repeat of history. The winner gets a pair of socks, so you can appreciate the stakes are high here.”
Marr was tight-lipped about the current leaders, but when asked about the recent rush of votes for kimjongrun.nk he responded “We are monitoring it.”